My first glimpse at Spirituality and Shamanism
Not too long ago, I viewed others that believed in God to lack intelligence, “backbone” or the willpower to live on a planet alone, lost in a sea of vast nothingness. Through my atheist eyes, I stereotyped these people as lesser beings, unable to see that life was great without the need for an afterlife. I saw many God-fearing Christians as people that weren’t worth knowing, because they needed faith in order to live by a moral code. Thankfully, these sharp, antagonistic aspects of my personality have been dying. Through a curiosity about spirituality and shamanism, I killed these angry archetypes, and replaced them with gentler, more understanding facets of myself.
A few months ago, I went through a life-changing event that destabilized the track I was on, and pushed my heart close to breaking. I was deeply betrayed, hurt, and disrupted. Though I had (finally) given up judgement of people of faith, I wasn’t sure what or if I believed in anything at all. I had become less atheist and more agnostic. That is, until my first run-in with the ethereal.
I deviated from the path I was on, and forever changed how I view and interact with the outer world. My inner world opened up.
Grief, Anguish, and the Death of A Relationship
My best friend, who I watched transform from a timid, anxiety-ridden shell of a woman to the tigress she is today, has always been someone I’ve cherished. I look up to her, because her internal strength, her mental fortitude, and her spiritual transformation have always kept me in awe.
It was an unconscious, intuitive decision to allow her in during my time of need. My relationship of 5 years was skidding to a tumultuous end, and I was heartbroken. Normally I would crawl into myself and pretend like everything was find. I would present a tough face to the outside world, pretending that I was successful and happy. This was not the case this time.
My confidence resembled a mirror dropped from a fifth-story window. I was experiencing physical pain in my chest so sharp, it hurt to breathe. This felt like rock bottom. I had placed my love for someone else before my own. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that this agony was going to lead me into one of the coolest eras of my life thus far.
My Tigress brought me to her Shaman, I encountered my first soul cleansing ceremony. Here’s a tiny glimpse into the ancient medicine that transformed the woman I love into the powerful being she is today, and what is beginning to transform myself into a person I don’t even recognize anymore.
Soul Cleansing @ MauSOULeum
Prior to this day “self care” meant spa sessions and manicures. I had no idea how to care for my soul, or what that even meant. This spiritual experience opened up my eyes to areas of my being I was previously oblivious to. I felt so raw, I was willing to try anything in order to heal.
I hope my experience might help someone else seek their own self healing.
Self Care Therapy
I sat cozily, facing a woman I know and trust, my Sha-mom. Tears leak from the corners of my eyes. Sunlight poured in through the window, drenching the space between us. Kathy began to shake a rattle made from animal hide, feathers, and a deer shed.
Using polyphonic toning, a rattle, mantras and other Shamantic practices, the undertaking began. In what I can only describe as “shifting”, this woman transformed my resolve using nothing more than her energy, my will, and tools she has hand-crafted herself. I have spent years going through psycho-therapy and have yet to experience something as profound as this. In just a few hours, my life altered significantly. I deviated from the path I was on, and forever changed how I view and interact with the outer world. My inner world opened up.
My mind usually feels like an overgrown garden. Here dwelled my essence, choked in creeping misconception. Guided through self reflection, I imaged myself pulling out the weeds, and replanted seeds of self-love in their place. Long obtrusive vines were pulled from their roots. removing connections to the people, thoughts, and behaviors that had hurt me the most. No longer would I suffocate myself with fears and doubts.
During this trance I met my inner-self. She greeted me in child form, and opened my eyes to my raw thoughts, behaviors and emotions. I didn’t realize how much I suppressed until I felt everything that bubbled out of the mental image of my inner-child. I was so hurt and angry. I had never considered how cruelly I treated myself.
Giving yourself a hug might seem like a foreign concept to many, but I’ll never doubt the power of self-love again. I held this version of myself, and asked for forgiveness for not treating her with care. I felt my pain, and my grief subside. It occurred to me that I wasn’t really angry with anyone else: I was upset with how I allowed myself to be treated.
This mental process allowed me to feel parts of myself I’d never experienced before. I realized that being malleable means being able to remove learned ideas just as much as it means to accommodate new ones.
These meditative care strategies process emotion, rather than burying it in the body. While mentally walking down a sandy beach, just myself and my inner child, I felt the presence of something else within me. I gave them the hurt, the weight, and the negative emotion to relieve my body. Sha-mom called upon advisors to protect and guide me, and to remove karmic ties that affected my happiness and ability to move on. These negative connections linked my soul to people that had wronged me, or just weren’t serving me currently. Just like my mental garden, I trimmed and pruned my soul, so that I could foster new love in this world.
Spiriuality in Seattle
If you might be interested in meeting my Sha-mom, perhaps experiencing the healing properties of sound during her sound-baths, or enjoying your own shamanic ceremony, here is her website and a little video I pulled from it:
Sound Bath and Shamantic Healing